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Wednesday, January 04, 2006

*{The future customer service}*

Great way to piss off customers.

The Future of Customer Service - Shared Info

Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut."

Customer: "Haloo, can I order ..."

Operator: "Can I have your multi purpose smart card number, Sir?"

Customer: "It's eh..., hold on .... 6102049998-45-54610"

Operator: "OK ... you're ... Mr Singh! and you're calling from 17 Jalan Kayu.
Your home number is 4123456, your office 7654 3210 and your mobile is 91234567. "

Customer: "How did you get all my phone numbers?"

Operator: "We are connected to the Main CRM system Sir"

Customer: "I want Seafood Pizza ..."

Operator: "That's not a good idea Sir"

Customer: "Why?!"

Operator: "According to your medical records, you have high blood
pressure and an even higher cholesterol level Sir"

Customer: "What? ... What do you recommend then?"

Operator: "Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it"

Customer: "How do you know I will like it?"

Operator: "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Hokkien Dishes"
from the National Library last week Sir"

Customer: "OK, I give up ... Give me three family sized ones then.
How much will that cost?

Operator: "That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is $49.99"

Customer: "Can I pay by credit card?"

Operator: "I'm afraid y! ou have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit
card is over the limit and you're owing your bank $3720.55 since
October last year", That's not including the late payment charges
on your housing loan Sir.

Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighborhood ATM and
withdraw some cash before your guy arrives"

Operator: "You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today"

Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash
ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?"

Operator: "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can
always come and! collect it on your motorcycle.."

Customer: " What?!"

Operator:
According to the details in system, you own a
Scooter,...registration number E1123 ..."

Customer: "*'!^ *#?@%^**%^I7*"

Operator: "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July
1987 you were convicted of using abusive language at a policeman ...

Customer: [Speechless]

Operator: "Is there anything else Sir?"

Customer: "Nothing ... by the way ... aren't you giving me that 3
Free bottles of cola as advertised?"

Operator: "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also a diabetic ....... "

3:27 PM | *{ ~* XrYztaL *~ }* | Comments

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